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ARTICLE BY KATE LANZ IN BUSINESS COACHING WORLDWIDE ™
Summer Edition 2007, BUSINESS COACHING WORLDWIDE ™
FEATURE ARTICLE
Three Coaching Traps: The Unique Challenges of Coaching the Alpha Male by Kate Lanz
Alpha males are those who instinctively seek dominance-regardless of circumstance,
they want to win. This is the key hallmark of the alpha and, in large part, it drives
alphas' professional success. It is also the characteristic that gets in the way
of their ability to learn how to do things differently and improve as leaders.
Accessing the point where the strength becomes a limitation is a particular challenge
with the alpha client. This article provides some suggestions for overcoming three
coaching traps which can plague alphas.
The Confidence Trap
Ben, a 36-year-old investment banker, presented as an extremely confident individual.
It was easy to see why people wanted him to lead them. He dressed confidently, he
spoke confidently, and he gave the impression of knowing precisely what he was doing.
His track record was also stellar. However, Ben had just transitioned into a more
significant leadership role in an area of the business that was outside the zone
of his expertise. Since he had to 'show up big' in this new role, a key piece of
his armory was the confidence he projected. Behind the scenes, Ben was struggling.
He was feeling completely overwhelmed by the scope of his new role, particularly
since much of it lay outside his knowledge base.
Ben's company has a strong coaching culture. When leaders move into new roles, they
receive coaching support to accelerate performance in those new roles. Coaching,
therefore, wasn't Ben's personal choice. Furthermore, since he was caught in the
confidence trap, he was not about to admit his feelings of overwhelm to his coach.
During our first session, I was able to support Ben at a very practical level, helping
him to handle an issue with his boss. This built our rapport and trust, since he
could see the process had been of value to him. During our second session, sensing
that he might be caught in the confidence trap, I decided to take a risk. Through
careful questioning, I allowed him to reveal how he felt about his previous role
and his performance in that role. I then followed up by probing how he viewed his
performance in his new role. Comparing the two illustrated the differences in energy
levels and confidence-signaling body language he displayed in each position. Gently
but firmly confronting him with this real-time feedback, and highlighting how this
new role seemed to be taking him outside his comfort level, allowed him to begin
to open up. Although he still couldn't admit to a lack of confidence, he was able
to share some of his concerns.
Quickly, I pushed for a 360-degree feedback. This provided some concrete examples
of situations in which he was not quite on top of things. One specific instance
was an email from his boss, which had remained unanswered for too long. His boss
was looking for an explanation. Once Ben and I were alone again, I was able to help
him uncover what was behind his delayed response, and used that example to gently
confront him with evidence of overwhelm. With this evidence providing access, he
was able to discuss his overwhelm and some practical strategies for overcoming it.
The trick was allowing Ben to keep the appearance of confidence with others while,
at the same time, exploring the gap that existed behind it. Where he had previously
felt trapped by his confident presentation, he now felt protected by it while he
worked through the relevant issues behind the scenes.
The Competition Trap
Innately programmed to win, the alpha male is constantly in competition with others.
Paul was the managing director of a business unit for a major player in the consumer
goods sector. Paul used his innate competitive spirit to good effect with his team.
He had them focused on moving their organization up the performance ladder by competing
with other internal business units.
This same competitive instinct, however, showed up everywhere-in conversations with
senior people, with his peer group, and even with neutral outsiders. Paul was always
'scoring that point.' He was oblivious to just how omnipresent this tendency was.
He was delivering business results. He was admired by his team for his winning nature.
Why should he engage in any reflection on his style? As was the case with Ben, Paul
was simply one of a group scheduled to receive coaching. He saw no reason to change.
Paul was caught in the competition trap.
The key to success in this situation is to catch the alpha's total attention right
from the first session. Lacking that, the coaching process would be set up for failure.
I knew that capturing Paul's attention would be tough, so I initiated a double feedback
process before the work started. The first step of this process consisted of an
individual interview with Paul's boss, the line manager. Despite the fact that giving
honest feedback was a challenge for him, he made it clear that the 'point scoring'
mentality could well prevent Paul's consideration for promotion, since it really
rubbed senior colleagues and peers the wrong way.
The second step in the double-feedback process was a three-way meeting, during which
Paul's boss gave him this specific feedback and described the changes he needed
to see. Although he was initially reluctant to actually pinpoint examples of Paul's
problematic behavior, I was able, thanks to our previous interview, to push him
to give some clear examples and describe their impact. Eventually, the boss admitted
that Paul was quite often viewed as a 'smart-arse,' and this perception would compromise
his promotion possibilities.
This threat to his ambitions really seized Paul's attention. The careful setup was
key-it enabled me to name the point-scoring game and illustrate how much it mattered
to Paul's future. After careful work, he was able to see where, unconsciously, he
allowed his competitive instinct to get the better of him. Slowly, he began to catch
himself, and his new awareness enabled him to use his competitive nature in a more
conscious and productive way.
The 'My Way or the Highway' Trap
Alpha males are successful because they have the confidence to push hard for what
they believe will allow them to win. Often they're right and the success reinforces
the model. Robert, the 39-year-old commercial director of an FTSE 100, clearly fell
into this trap. In fact, his version of 'my way or the highway' even contained a
touch of the provocative. When communicating his view, he liked to include a little
dig at the recipient.
Once promoted to a board position, situations began to arise in which the CEO was
trying to control Robert's work. Robert's response was to defend his plan in the
same manner as he had done in the past. The 'my way or the highway' model, however,
was counterproductive at board level. During our coaching sessions, I seized Robert's
attention by underscoring the CEO's reaction to Robert's style. I helped Robert
to understand that if he failed to change this dynamic, his time on the board could
end up to be quite short-lived. He was fiercely proud and ambitious, and removal
from the board would have been a terrible outcome for him. He paid attention.
By dissecting some of Robert's specific transactions with the CEO, I helped him
to see the impact of both his 'my way or the highway' attitude and his provocative
stance. He was surprised to discover just how strong the pattern was. We worked
carefully together on ways to reframe some of his dialogues with the CEO. It cost
him dearly sometimes to forfeit the joy of provocation, but he managed it because
the stakes were high.
Within a couple of months, Robert's relationship with the CEO had improved to the
point where the CEO was, in fact, consulting Robert rather than attempting to control
him.
In summary, here are some helpful approaches to coaching the alpha male:
- Recognize which of the traps you may be dealing with;
- Build rapport and trust by offering practical value immediately;
- Find ways to seize the alpha's attention-leave no 'wriggle room';
- Confront early, basing the confrontation on your own experience of the client;
- Help the alpha bring some of the subconscious patterns to the surface by linking
them to tangible practical examples; and
- Take risks: If you fail to make impact with an alpha early in the coaching relationship,
you can easily miss your chance!
 Kate Lanz, MBA, is the Executive Director of Sandler Lanz. Working
with organizational leaders and their direct reports, Kate helps both individuals
and teams to move swiftly from insight to action. Read more about Kate in the WABC Coach Directory
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